Divorce

Jim and Mike spent the weekend fishing on the lake.

Jim: "I think I'm going to get a divorce."

Mike: "Why, what's up?"

Jim: "She hasn't spoken to me in 2 months. Not even last night after our you know, in bed session together."

Mike: "Hey Jim. You seriously have to reconsider it. That kind of wife is a rare specimen."

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How To Lose Weight

Doctor: "Ok Miss, what is our problem here?"

Woman: "I tried to lose some weight doc, I've been trying to work out with any kind of machines and systems. But it just doesn't work out well. What do you think is the recommended practice?"

Doctor: "For your case, simple. By shaking your head left to right for a few seconds."

Woman: "Really? How many times a day?"

Doctor: "Everytime."

Woman: "Everytime?"

Doctor: "Everytime someone offer you food!"

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